Holidays with CPTSD can be difficult for so many reasons! They can be difficult even without a diagnoses. But we’re here to talk about the added stress during the Holidays that’s felt when you’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD.
CPTSD symptoms do not lesson just because society deems a day to be off work because it’s considered a Holiday. Symptoms become more activated because everyone around us seems to be on high alert and just as stressed as I typically feel. Hey, maybe that’s a way to explain to others how some of our CPTSD symptoms present. It’s like having a super stressful holiday 24/7 plus all the other symptoms that are associated with it.
My Story
Why can’t I just get into the Holiday spirit?
There’s no way of pinpointing when this deep seeded destain for any Hallmark Holiday began for me. I can remember some special times around the Holidays growing up and some not so special times. It all seems to be a blur for me to remember right now. Or I’m just not into writing about it all right now. ‘Tis the season.
What I can say is that at one point in my life, I was around someone that made every special occasion miserable. They made everything about them, would sabotage, gaslight, and wouldn’t feel praised enough for their efforts.
Anyway, as I worked in the restaurant and retail space, it solidified my destain for Holidays. There’s nothing like trying to get through a day with CPTSD AND working with the public during the Holidays. Just reeks even more havoc on my nervous system than just having the CPTSD!
How I experience Holidays with CPTSD.
- The stress of uncomfortable parties and work functions that I sometimes feel obligated to attend is exhausting.
- Having to explain and dodge the food questions with how sensitive my stomach is (food sensitivities).
- So many stomach aches from the anxiety of it all.
- Loud noises that startle me from excited and/or drunk people.
- Drama that people create that stems from the stress of the Holidays which activates my anxiety.
- Family members that disrespect my boundaries sending me into my depressive mood
- Grief of lost loved ones.
- Flashbacks from past Holiday traumatic events.
- Let alone all the “normal” Holiday stressors of buying & wrapping gifts, planning all the things, decorating, helping others, cooking/baking and etc.
Feeling such destain isn’t what I want my children to grow up feeling. I do not want them to feel the stressors of the B.S. Hallmark Holidays. Although they know the true meaning of Christmas, there are still expectations that I put on myself because I do want to make it as special for them as I can. I try to make it as fun and festive as I can. Other kids can be mean and we all want to feel like we fit in, especially as a child.
Even though I dislike all the Holidays, I’m extremely grateful for the thought behind it and I will continue to make them as special as I can for my children. It’s more about spending the time together because there’s no school rather then celebrating with the Hallmark decor and all the traditions.
I really don’t have anything against Hallmark as a company. This is just a term that’s used because it seems that we’ve taken the Holidays and turned them into consumption days.
My joy isn’t found during the Holiday season. I would much prefer doing non-traditional things with my loved ones like having experiences. Once my energy is back and there’s more money in the bank, I intend on doing more experiences rather than gift giving. I do what I can now when I can. There’s all sorts of free things I can do for now and I do them.
How do you get through the Holidays with CPTSD?
I hope my story has helped shed some light on different ways we can walk through life and learn from others. Maybe this story could help you or someone you know and/or maybe this experience is good to hear because it’s relatable. Sometimes hearing someone’s story helps us process our own.
We just have to keep trying different things to help us in our journey in life, but have to remember that what works for one may not work for another. Hang on and keep trying!
That’s a wrap for Moody Max Sloths story. For exclusive posts and messages from Lori and our Sloth Friends, become a member here.
As always, seeking professional help is courageous!
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